Pacey kinda expected the forum to be more alive - SO WE HAD A PARTY! (Where's Pacey?)

[Eddie Spud]

A Shetland pony walks into a bar, "a pint of Bitter, please."
The barperson says "Sorry, what was that?"
"A pint of Bitter, please," replys the Shetland pony.
"I'm sorry, I still can't hear you." Repeats the barperson.
Shetland pony says "Oh, that's because I'm a little hoarse"


I've got worse jokes than that...but don't want to get red carded, lol.

Has the party started yet...I can't find my invite

[marmite]

So you wanted our photo.
This is us having a cake we bet you cant guess where it is. Dad is excited about party he has had to lay down.Sonic Scamp and Spike

[marmite]

And heres another on silver service. Sonic Scamp and Spike

[DavidT]

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

[marmite]

The Maid
The maid asked for a pay increase. The lady of the house wife very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?
Maria: 'Well, Senora, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband said so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'My third reason is that I am a better lover than you.'
Wife: (really furious now): 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Senora...the gardener did.'
Wife: 'So how much do you want?'

[marmite]

I recently met my new doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 60.)

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 80?'
He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine, indulge in chocolate or coffee?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?

'I said, 'Not much.... my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'

'No,' I said.

He looked at me and said... 'Then, why do you even give a s**t?

[Pacey]

Originally Posted by DavidT

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

Weird, thats my favorite joke of all times. honest... im always using that.
Along with
What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk

[2dogs]

will it be a garden party then?

[stupo74]

Hi all,
No Invite here ???????? "Not What You Know" "But Who"
I guess the "Badger Costume" can go back to the shop.


"What"????? No Invite?????? How Sad is That



"ALL" our friends here, are most upset. cheers stupo.

[marmite]

We will pick you and Mrs Stupo and badgers up at 4pm as dad said we can drive his car today. See you soon its party time. Regards Sonic Scamp and Spike.

[Lesley Jay]

Everyone's invited!!!

[marmite]

Coor its a long way. See you at 6. Have kettle ready for dads tea.

[marmite]

Are we the first to arrive what a lovely house and garden Lesley.

[marmite]

Come on the food is fantastic so is Lesley yum yum.

[Lesley Jay]

Hi Marmite, Sonic, Scamp and Spike - you must be the first to arrive. Enjoy the jelly! Here's a joke from a good friend of mine (that I can actually post!).



With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed.

Larry LaPrise - the man who wrote 'The Hokie Kokey' - died peacefully at the age of 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. That's when the trouble started.

[marmite]

Hello Lesley thats a funny joke its nearly as old as me.

As this is your second anniversary for Vegetable Garden Forum may I wish you all the best for the future, and for letting us join. Pass the ice cream will you. Marmite

[Lesley Jay]

Third anniversary!!

I'm trying to keep the jokes clean!! Here's another one


A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first year schoolchildren, using a bowl of fruit Polo's. He gave all the children the same kind of Polo, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colour and flavour.

The children began to say:

'Red............cherry,'

'Yellow.........lemon,'

'Green..........lime,'

'Orange........orange.'

Finally the professor gave them all honey Polos.

After eating them for a few moments none of the children could identify the taste.

'Well,' he said 'I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out and yelled:

'Oh My God!!!! They're arse-holes!!'

[DavidT]

I like that one Lesley.

[marmite]

David welcome to the party, let me get you a drink. Spike

[Lesley Jay]

Fred and Mary get married but couldn't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mum and Dad's house for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mum if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, 'No'.

Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mum replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.'

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mum, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

She replies, 'No.'

Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mum replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school'

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Fred and Mary up yet?'

His mum says, 'No.'

He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mum replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think?'

He says: 'Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue'.